The First-Time Mum's Complete Survival Guide to the Fourth Trimester

1. What is the Fourth Trimester?

Congratulations! You've made it through pregnancy and labour. You've got your baby home. And now you might be wondering: why do I feel absolutely shattered, and why is nobody preparing people for this?

Welcome to the fourth trimester. It's a term that paediatrician Dr Harvey Karp popularised to describe the first three months after birth – and honestly, it's one of the most underrated periods in a mum's life.

The "fourth trimester" isn't about your baby being in utero. It's about the fact that human babies are born uniquely vulnerable compared to other mammals. A baby horse can stand and run within hours. A baby baboon clings to its mother's fur. But your newborn? They can barely focus their eyes and they'll forget they've just been fed if they're distracted by a slight noise.

This period, roughly the first 12 weeks after birth, is a transition time. Your baby is adjusting to life outside the womb. You're adjusting to being responsible for a tiny human who cannot tell you what they want. Your body is healing from the monumental task of pregnancy and birth. Your hormones are fluctuating wildly. Everything is different.

Understanding this concept can be genuinely revolutionary for your mental health. Instead of thinking "my baby should just sleep through the night by now" or "other mums seem fine – why am I struggling?", you can recognise that you're both in a vulnerable period that requires specific support.

The fourth trimester is about survival, not thriving. It's about getting through each day, feeding your baby, managing to shower occasionally, and being gentle with yourself. Everything else is secondary.

2. Your Body After Birth - The Honest Truth

Let's be absolutely clear: what happens to your body after birth is significant. You've just grown, carried, and expelled a human being. That's extraordinary. And your body needs time to recover.

The Bleeding (Lochia)

First, the bleeding. You will bleed. A lot. For a while. Most women bleed for between 2 and 6 weeks postpartum (sometimes longer). This isn't like a heavy period – it can be considerably heavier, especially in the first week when you might go through a maternity pad every hour or so.

This is normal and expected. The bleeding gradually gets lighter and changes colour from bright red, to pink, to yellow/white. But do keep an eye on it – if you're soaking through a pad in less than 15 minutes after the first week, contact your midwife.

Perineal Soreness and Healing

Whether you've had stitches, a graze, or tears, your perineum (the area between your vagina and rectum) will be tender. This is one of the things nobody really talks about until you experience it, and then it becomes the only thing you can think about.

Things that help:

• Sitting on a properly inflated birthing ball or cushion (not a rubber ring – that can actually restrict blood flow)
• Using a peri-bottle (a squeezy bottle filled with warm water) after the loo instead of toilet paper
• Warm salt baths (though wait until you're past the first week and any stitches feel less tender)
• Witch hazel pads if the soreness is severe
• Ibuprofen and paracetamol (both safe if breastfeeding)
• Keeping the area clean and dry

Womb Involution (Your Uterus Shrinking Back)

Your uterus was the size of a watermelon. Now it needs to shrink back to the size of a pear. This process is called involution, and it can be quite uncomfortable. You might experience cramping, especially when breastfeeding (the oxytocin released helps the uterus contract). These afterpains are strongest in the first few days and gradually improve.

Lochia Clots and Passing Tissue

During the first week, you might pass clots. This is normal – your body is shedding the placental site. However, if you're passing clots larger than a golf ball, or if you feel lightheaded, contact your GP or midwife immediately.

Constipation and Haemorrhoids

Not the most glamorous topic, but millions of women experience this. A combination of hormones, the trauma of birth, pain medication (especially if you had a spinal block), and fear of straining makes constipation incredibly common. Added to that: haemorrhoids (piles) often appear or worsen during and after birth.

Prevention is better than cure:

• Stay hydrated – aim for 2-3 litres of water daily
• Eat high-fibre foods – prunes, oats, wholegrains, vegetables
• Try not to strain – this worsens haemorrhoids
• Use a stool softener if needed (docusate sodium is safe if breastfeeding)
• Witch hazel pads or cream for haemorrhoids
• Take time for the toilet – don't rush

Caesarean Wound Healing

If you've had a C-section, your wound recovery follows a different timeline. Most women feel better by 2-3 weeks, but full healing takes around 6-8 weeks. Your scar will be red and lumpy initially – this is normal and improves significantly over the following 12-18 months.

Keep the wound clean and dry. Wear loose, comfortable clothing (maternity jeans might still be more comfortable than your pre-pregnancy clothes). Do the gentle movement recommended by your midwife – walking is excellent. Avoid heavy lifting (beyond your baby) and intense exercise until cleared by your GP, usually at 6-8 weeks.

Night Sweats

Expect to wake up drenched in sweat. This can continue for several weeks as your hormones regulate and your body sheds excess fluid. Keep a spare pillowcase and sheet by your bed for quick changes. It's unpleasant, but entirely normal and will pass.

Hair Loss (Postpartum Alopecia)

Around 2-3 months after birth, you might notice clumps of hair in the shower or on your pillow. This is postpartum hair loss, caused by the sudden drop in oestrogen levels. During pregnancy, oestrogen keeps your hair in the growth phase for longer – when it drops, all that hair enters the shedding phase at once.

This is alarming but temporary. Your hair will regrow. It typically lasts 3-6 months. Ensure you're getting enough protein, iron, and vitamins (especially if breastfeeding).

When to Seek Help

Contact your GP or midwife immediately if you experience:

• Heavy bleeding (soaking through a pad in less than 15 minutes)
• Blood clots larger than a golf ball
• Foul-smelling discharge
• Increasing pain or swelling at your perineum or C-section wound
• Signs of infection (fever, chills, feeling unwell)
• Chest pain or difficulty breathing

3. The Emotional Rollercoaster: Baby Blues vs Postnatal Depression

Your hormones have just dropped dramatically. You've experienced an enormous life change. You're sleep-deprived and responsible for a new human. Emotional upheaval? That's not just normal – it's inevitable.

Baby Blues (The "Normal" Emotional Reaction)

About 70-80% of new mums experience baby blues – and yet somehow, it still takes people by surprise. Baby blues typically start 2-3 days after birth and can last up to 2 weeks.

Symptoms include:

• Sudden tearfulness or mood swings
• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed
• Feeling irritable or grumpy
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feeling disconnected from your baby (which terrifies people, but is common)

Baby blues are a recognised physiological response to the massive hormonal shift, the physical trauma of birth, sleep deprivation, and the realisation that you're now responsible for this little human. It's not a sign of weakness or that you're doing anything wrong.

Postnatal Depression and Anxiety

Approximately 1 in 7 women develop postnatal depression. This is a medical condition, not a reflection on you as a mother or a person.

Symptoms can include:

• Persistent low mood lasting more than 2 weeks
• Loss of pleasure in things you normally enjoy
• Intrusive, distressing thoughts about harm coming to your baby
• Extreme anxiety or panic attacks
• Difficulty bonding with your baby
• Feelings of hopelessness or despair
• Changes to sleep (beyond the newborn waking) or appetite
• Physical symptoms like headaches or body aches

Postpartum anxiety can be just as common as depression and is often under-recognised. Many women describe intrusive thoughts that feel completely alien to their normal way of thinking – catastrophic "what-if" scenarios. These thoughts, while deeply uncomfortable, are a symptom of the condition, not a reflection of what you actually want to happen.

Getting Help

Talk to your GP or health visitor. There is no shame in this. Postnatal depression is treatable – with talking therapies (like CBT), medication (antidepressants safe for breastfeeding do exist), or a combination of both. You don't have to feel this way, and you shouldn't try to push through alone.

4. Breastfeeding: The First Few Weeks

If you're planning to breastfeed, those first few weeks are genuinely intense. Nobody prepares you adequately for this, which is a shame because a bit of knowledge can make an enormous difference.

First 24 Hours

In the first hours after birth, your baby will be seeking milk, but your breasts are producing colostrum – a thick, yellowish fluid that's perfectly designed for newborns. It's protein-rich, contains antibodies, and helps your baby's digestive system develop. Your baby needs this – not a bottle of formula, unless medically necessary.

Your baby will likely feed frequently during the first 24 hours, then sleep deeply. This is normal. That deep sleep might make you anxious ("Is the baby okay? Should they be feeding more?") – but this is your baby recovering from birth. They'll wake up properly and want more milk around day 3.

Days 2-5: Supply Establishing

Around day 3-5, your milk will "come in." You'll notice your breasts become noticeably fuller, heavier, and more uncomfortable. This is excellent – it means your supply is establishing. It can be quite uncomfortable, but there are things that help:

• Breastfeed frequently – your baby's feeding is what builds and maintains your supply
• Apply warm compresses before feeding (encourages letdown)
• Apply cold compresses between feeds (reduces swelling) – frozen cabbage leaves are brilliant for this
• Take paracetamol or ibuprofen if needed
• Express a little milk by hand if you're very engorged and your baby struggles to latch

Establishing a Latch

A good latch is crucial. If your baby isn't positioned well, breastfeeding becomes painful – and pain can lead to supply issues, mastitis, and giving up when you didn't want to.

Signs of a good latch:

• Your baby's mouth covers most of the areola (the dark area around your nipple)
• Your baby's bottom lip is everted (curled outwards)
• You can see your baby's chin touching your breast
• You hear swallowing – it sounds like a gentle "cuh" sound
• Breastfeeding doesn't hurt (mild discomfort in the first 2 seconds is normal, but sharp pain isn't)

Feeding Frequency and Night Feeds

In the first weeks, expect your baby to feed 8-12 times in 24 hours. This includes night feeds. Yes, this is exhausting. Yes, you will survive it (though it might not feel that way at 2am).

Night feeds are normal and important. They help establish your supply and are biologically appropriate for a newborn. Humans are not designed to sleep for 12 hours straight at the age of 2 days – and despite what celebrity magazines suggest, normal babies don't.

In the early weeks, try not to go longer than about 4 hours without feeding during the day (this helps your supply). Night feeds can be slightly longer, but don't push it if your baby isn't sleeping.

Common Issues and Solutions

Sore Nipples: These are usually a latch issue, not a pain-tolerance issue. Get support with positioning. In the meantime: express some milk and rub it on your nipple (breastmilk has healing properties), use nipple shields, or apply nipple balm specifically designed for breastfeeding mothers.

Mastitis: This is inflammation of breast tissue, sometimes caused by a blocked duct. Symptoms include a hard, hot, red area on your breast, often accompanied by flu-like symptoms. Get medical help quickly – mastitis needs treatment and can develop into an abscess. Keep feeding (it doesn't harm your baby), use heat before feeds, massage the area gently, and contact your GP.

Oversupply: Some mums produce a lot of milk. Symptoms include breasts that are constantly engorged, baby struggling to keep up with the flow, or baby gulping and sometimes choking. This usually settles by 6-12 weeks but can be uncomfortable. Speak to a lactation consultant – they can advise on positioning and expressing techniques that help.

Low Supply Worries: Most mums think they're not producing enough milk. Babies feed frequently, so you might assume there's not much milk. But frequent feeding is normal newborn behaviour. If your baby is having wet nappies (6+ per day by day 5) and is passing stools, your supply is almost certainly fine.

Bottle Feeding: You're Not Failing

Perhaps you're bottle feeding – whether by choice, necessity, or circumstance. You're not failing. Fed babies thrive. Bottle feeding comes with its own learning curve: you're sterilising bottles, preparing formula, and suddenly you have a clean-up that takes longer than the actual feed. You're doing brilliantly.

5. Sleep Deprivation Survival Tactics

Let's be honest: the fourth trimester is defined by sleep deprivation. You will be tired in a way you've never experienced. This is one of the biggest challenges new parents face – not just the physical exhaustion, but the psychological impact of severe sleep deprivation.

Understanding Newborn Sleep

Newborns don't have a 24-hour circadian rhythm yet. They wake frequently for feeding (which is biologically appropriate and protective). By around 12 weeks, this might improve, but in the early weeks, expect 2-4 hour stretches at best – and that includes the time it takes to feed, change, soothe, and put them back down.

This is not a reflection on your parenting. You cannot "train" a newborn to sleep longer. Your baby is not broken. This is how newborns work.

Sleep Survival Tactics

Embrace Sleep When You Can: The old advice "sleep when the baby sleeps" sounds impossible but is actually wise. Ignore the housework. Don't answer emails. Sleep. Your recovery and mental health depend on it.

Shift Sleep (If You Have A Partner): Instead of both of you waking for every feed, consider shifts. One partner sleeps for the first part of the night while the other manages feeds and soothing. Swap halfway. You both get 3-4 hours of uninterrupted sleep, which is better than fragmented rest all night.

Minimise Stimulation At Night: Keep night feeds dim (red light is better than white light – it doesn't disrupt melatonin). Keep talking to a minimum. Change nappies quickly. The goal is to keep your baby from becoming fully awake and alert.

Safe Sleep Practices: Your baby should sleep on their back, in their own cot/bassinet, in the same room as you for the first 6 months. This reduces the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). The cot should be bare – no pillows, blankets, bumpers, or soft toys. Use a sleeping bag instead of blankets.

Manage Your Expectations: You will be tired. You will probably hallucinate slightly. You might forget what day it is. This is temporary. By around 12 weeks, many babies can sleep for a longer stretch, which can feel like a miracle.

When Your Baby Won't Sleep

Some babies are naturally more wakeful. Some go through sleep regressions. Some are sensitive to their environment. If your baby genuinely won't sleep (more than the "normal" frequent waking of a newborn), speak to your health visitor. Possibilities include reflux, tongue tie, wind, or other discomforts that can be addressed.

Co-Sleeping Safely (If You Choose To)

Many families co-sleep (having the baby in your bed). Safer sleep guidelines recommend room-sharing without bed-sharing until 6 months, but people make different choices. If you do co-sleep, follow safer sleep guidelines: no pillows or loose blankets, firm mattress, baby on their back, ensure they can't fall, and avoid co-sleeping if you've been drinking, using drugs, or taking medication that impairs consciousness.

6. When to Call Your Midwife or GP

In the UK, you'll be visited by your midwife regularly in the first weeks, and you'll have access to NHS services. But how do you know when something needs medical attention versus being a normal part of the fourth trimester?

Contact Your Midwife/Health Visitor If:

• Your baby isn't feeding well (latching is difficult, feeding is painful, baby seems sleepy and disinterested)
• Your baby isn't passing urine or stools as expected for their age
• Your baby's umbilical cord hasn't separated by 2 weeks, or the stump is swollen, hot, or smelly
• Your baby has a fever (over 38°C for under 3 months is a medical emergency)
• Your baby seems unusually drowsy or difficult to wake
• Your baby has a rash (especially if accompanied by fever)
• You're experiencing pain during feeding
• You notice blood-stained discharge that smells bad, or bleeding that's getting heavier after initial improvement
• You're experiencing signs of postpartum infection (fever, chills, feeling unwell)
• You're struggling with mental health or having thoughts of harming yourself or baby

Call 111 (NHS Non-Emergency) For:

• Concerns about your baby that need prompt assessment but aren't life-threatening
• Questions about medication or whether symptoms need attention
• Out-of-hours support when your GP is closed

Call 999 (Emergency) For:

• Your baby having a fever and being under 3 months old (this is considered a medical emergency)
• Your baby struggling to breathe or having breathing that sounds abnormal
• Your baby being unresponsive or floppy
• A rash that doesn't disappear when you roll a glass over it (possible meningitis)
• You experiencing chest pain, severe breathlessness, or signs of a blood clot (calf pain, swelling)
• You having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

7. Looking After YOU (Not Just Baby)

This section exists because it's the one that gets skipped over. Everyone focuses on the baby. But you've just experienced the most significant physical and emotional event of your life. You matter too.

Nutrition

If you're breastfeeding, you need about 500 extra calories daily. But more than that – you need nutrient-dense food. Your body is healing and potentially producing milk. Junk food won't support that.

Aim for:

• Protein at each meal (helps with healing and stabilises energy)
• Iron-rich foods (you've lost blood, and this is crucial for energy levels)
• Omega-3 fatty acids (especially important for mood – low levels are linked to PND)
• Plenty of vegetables and fruits
• Complex carbohydrates for sustained energy

Practical tip: prepare freezer meals before birth, or accept help with meal preparation. Batch-cooking nutritious meals in the final weeks of pregnancy pays dividends in the early postpartum period.

Hydration

You will be thirsty, especially if breastfeeding. Keep a large water bottle by your bed and feeding chair. Aim for at least 2-3 litres of water daily. Dehydration worsens fatigue, mood issues, and can reduce your milk supply.

Hygiene and Self-Care

You might not have time for long baths or elaborate skincare routines. But small acts of hygiene can significantly impact how you feel. A quick shower, washing your face, and changing into fresh clothes (even if they're not "proper" clothes) can help you feel more like yourself.

Mental Health and Connection

In the fourth trimester, you're likely spending most of your time with your baby – which is wonderful, but can also be isolating. Other adults matter. Aim for some form of adult interaction, even if it's via video call. Many mums find that talking to other new mums (whether online or in person groups) normalises their experiences and reduces feelings of isolation.

Local children's centres often run postnatal groups, or there are online communities specifically for new parents. Simply knowing that other mums are also awake at 3am with a crying baby can be remarkably comforting.

Movement and Exercise

Your GP will likely suggest waiting 6 weeks (or 12 weeks if you've had a C-section) before returning to exercise. This isn't arbitrary – your pelvic floor and abdominal muscles have been through significant trauma and need time to recover.

That said, gentle movement is beneficial. Walking is excellent – it's low-impact, and doing it with your baby outside can provide a mood boost and some fresh air. Pelvic floor exercises (Kegels) can be started almost immediately postpartum (your midwife will advise) and are crucial for preventing long-term incontinence.

What About Your Partner?

If you have a partner, they're adjusting too. The fourth trimester can be challenging for relationships. Sleep-deprived people aren't great at communicating. The parent who's not breastfeeding might feel sidelined. Sex might be the last thing on your mind (which is entirely normal).

If possible, have conversations about expectations before baby arrives. Division of labour matters – sharing the mental load of remembering feeds, tracking output, and planning feeds helps prevent resentment. Some couples find that reconnecting emotionally (without the pressure of sex) is important.

8. Support Networks and Resources

You are not meant to do this alone. Humans have historically raised children in communities – grandparents, aunts, friends. Modern parenting can feel isolating. Building a support network (or accepting help from your existing network) is not a luxury – it's essential.

NHS Services Available to You

Midwives: Provide care during pregnancy, birth, and up to 28 days postpartum (sometimes longer). They're your first point of contact for postpartum health issues.

Health Visitors: Take over care after your midwife's involvement ends. They focus on child health and parent wellbeing. They'll visit you at home and offer support, advice, and screening for postpartum depression.

Children's Centres: Offer free groups, classes, and support for families with young children. These vary by area but might include baby massage, rhyme time, postnatal exercise classes, and parent support groups.

Perinatal Mental Health Services: If you're screened for PND, you can be referred for specialist support through your local perinatal mental health team.

Voluntary Organisations

• La Leche League: Breastfeeding support and peer support from experienced nursing mothers
• NCT (National Childbirth Trust): Antenatal and postnatal groups, classes, and support
• PANDAS: Support for perinatal mental health (anxiety and depression)
• Samaritans: 24/7 emotional support
• Mind: Mental health information and support
• Sure Start Children's Centres: Local support, groups, and resources (availability varies by area)

Building Your Own Support Network

Think about who you can rely on. This might include family, friends, your partner, or online communities. Be specific about what you need: "I'd appreciate a meal brought round" or "Could someone hold the baby for an hour while I shower and sleep?" is much easier to respond to than a vague "let me know if you need anything."

Practical Help

Accept help. If someone offers to do your washing, say yes. If someone wants to bring a meal, accept it. If someone asks to hold the baby while you shower, let them. These small acts of help can be genuinely transformative for your wellbeing.

9. What Nobody Tells You - Real Mum Tips

There are things you learn through experience that nobody quite prepares you for. Here are some things real mums wish they'd known earlier:

Your Baby Might Not Arrive "On Time"

Due dates are an estimate, not a promise. Babies arrive when they arrive. Your fourth trimester might begin slightly earlier or later than you expected – which just means the timeline for the stages mentioned in this guide might shift slightly.

The First Few Days Blur Together

Sleep deprivation and hormones mean the first week is often a blur. You might not remember details you thought you'd cherish. This is normal. Your memory will improve as sleep improves. Taking photos or videos can help preserve memories.

You Might Not Love Your Baby Immediately

This is a huge thing that nobody talks about openly, but it's important. Our culture emphasises the moment you meet your baby as this transcendent, all-consuming moment of love. For some people, it is. For others, it's not. Some parents describe a gradual falling in love rather than instant connection. This is completely normal and doesn't indicate anything negative about your capacity to love or your relationship with your child.

Your Partner/Co-Parent Might Not Understand What You're Going Through

If you're the one birthing and/or breastfeeding, your partner might struggle to understand the physical and emotional intensity of what you're experiencing. They can support and love you, but they're not living in your body. Communication is key – be specific about what you need.

You Will Probably Cry at Unexpected Moments

You might cry watching a nappy advert. You might cry because your baby smiled. You might cry because you're exhausted. Hormones are real, and they're powerful. It's usually temporary.

Every Baby is Different (Even Your Own)

If you have another baby later, they'll be completely different. That baby who slept 3-hour stretches? Your second might sleep 45 minutes. The one who breastfed easily? Next one might have a tongue tie. This isn't anything you're doing differently – it's just baby individuality.

The Fourth Trimester Does End

This period feels eternal while you're in it. But at some point – maybe around week 12, maybe at month 4 – you'll notice your baby is sleeping a bit better. You're sleeping a bit better. Your brain fog is clearing. You're starting to feel like a human again. This phase will end. You will survive.

10. You're Doing Better Than You Think

This is the final section, and it's maybe the most important one. So here it is, plainly: you're doing better than you think you are.

If you're reading this, you're thinking about your baby's needs. You're trying to learn. You're seeking information and support. These are the actions of a caring, responsible parent. The fact that you're worried you're not doing it right probably means you're doing it right.

The fourth trimester is not about being perfect. It's not about having a baby who sleeps through, or never cries, or remains perfectly content while you shower. It's about getting through each day and keeping a tiny human alive and cared for. You're doing that. That's monumental.

There will be moments when you feel incompetent. You'll question your choices. You'll wonder why your baby won't stop crying or won't sleep or won't feed properly. These are normal parenting moments, not reflections on your abilities.

There will also be moments when your baby smiles (even if it might be wind). Or when they fall asleep on your chest and you feel a peace you didn't know existed. Or when you get through an entire night and realise you're building resilience and capability you didn't have before.

Self-Compassion is a Superpower

You're going to make mistakes. You'll probably feed your baby in slightly awkward positions. You might occasionally forget to sterilise a bottle (the world won't end). You'll have days when you don't shower and you sustain yourself on coffee and the remnants of yesterday's lunch.

This is normal. This is what the fourth trimester looks like for almost everyone. The parent who looks like they've "got it together" is probably running on fumes and a lot of pretending.

Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in your position. You're recovering from birth. You're learning to care for a new human. You're probably sleep-deprived. You're navigating enormous physical and emotional changes. You deserve compassion – especially from yourself.

Reaching Out is Strength

If you're struggling, tell someone. Tell your partner. Tell your midwife. Tell your GP. Tell your mum or your best friend. Tell someone. Struggling doesn't mean you're weak or failing – it means you're human and navigating something genuinely challenging.

There is help available. There are people trained in supporting new parents through exactly what you're experiencing. Using those resources isn't a failure – it's wisdom.

This Phase is Temporary

Twelve weeks feels like a long time when you're in the depths of it. But in the grand scheme of your child's life, the fourth trimester is a blip. By month 4 or 5, most babies are sleeping slightly longer stretches. You'll have figured out how to leave the house with a baby. You'll start to feel like yourself again (a slightly different version of yourself, but recognisably you).

One day – maybe sooner than you think – you'll realise you're no longer in the fourth trimester. Your baby will sleep for 5 hours at a time. You'll take a shower without panicking. You'll remember what your hair looks like when it's clean. You'll have a conversation with another adult that isn't about baby poo.

And you'll have made it through one of the most challenging periods of your life. You'll have grown a human, brought them into the world, kept them alive, and looked after yourself (mostly). You'll have discovered reserves of resilience you didn't know you had. That's something to be genuinely proud of.

You're Not Alone

Millions of people have been through the fourth trimester. Millions are going through it right now. Millions will go through it in the future. You're part of this massive community of people who have navigated sleep deprivation, hormonal chaos, physical recovery, and the mind-bending transition to parenthood.

If you need to talk to someone who gets it, there are communities (online and in-person) full of people who've been exactly where you are. Reach out. Share. Listen to their stories. You'll realise that feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean you're failing – it means you're human.

Final Thoughts

The fourth trimester is not a phase to survive and forget about. It's a significant passage in your life. It's challenging and chaotic and exhausting and often beautiful. It's when you discover you're stronger than you thought. It's when you learn that love isn't always a lightning bolt – sometimes it's a slow, steady realisation.

Be gentle with yourself. Ask for help. Celebrate the small wins (you showered – excellent). Trust that this phase will pass. And know that you're doing a brilliant job, even when it doesn't feel that way.

You've got this. Really, truly, you've got this.